My Journey with Epilepsy

Photo courtesy of Aubrey Greene

According to the CDC, epilepsy is a neurological disorder in which brain activity becomes abnormal and causes seizures or periods of unusual behavior, sensations and sometimes loss of awareness. It involves misfiring signals in your brain that can cause your lip to twitch or you to fall out of your seat. When I was three-and-a-half years old, I was diagnosed with Continuous Spike-wave Discharge During Sleep (CSWDDS), which is a unique form of epilepsy. My body misfires while I sleep but does not show any obvious seizures on the outside. After years of treatment, medication, and prayer, I finally stopped having seizures. I have been seizure-free for about fourteen years! However, I am not fully cured and still have some weaknesses due to my medical condition. 

One of the earliest symptoms of my epilepsy was the weakening of my body. The left side of my body started to turn inward and my muscles in that part of my body are still weaker than my right side. Physical therapy and speech therapy were necessary after my brain surgery, and I had to learn to walk and speak again. The specialists told me I would also struggle with learning in school.

However, I have made the Dean’s List and High Honor Roll over the years and taken Honors classes! I have been blessed with patient teachers and a loving, supportive family, including my parents who took me to various doctors and physical therapists. There were also many behind-the-scenes blessings that I would later come to learn, largely in part to the people I barely knew and hardly remembered that had been praying for me for years.

Another blessing in my journey has been my home church, Overcomer’s Outreach. We learn about being emotionally honest with ourselves and others as a way of bringing about spiritually healthy relationships with God. I have learned how to bring awareness into my life and how to better understand others.

For much of my life, I have asked myself why God allowed for me to have such a painful experience and when He will finally heal me. I have had bursts of anger towards God: Why didn’t you fully heal me? Why do I have to live this way? It took me a while to realize that maybe this is meant to help me. God does not like seeing people suffer; it grieves Him too. Because of my struggle, I can empathize with people and better understand their pain. I have made a lot of friends at college who I can trust to support me and love me, and they know that they can rely on me too. I like to think that I am more loving and gentle because of my experience.

If I had not been treated at Medical College of Georgia for epilepsy, I might have never had the opportunity to attend Overcomer’s Outreach or Toccoa Falls College. Though I spent many years upset with God for my struggle, I am actually grateful for the pain He has helped me endure, the people who have supported me and the journey I have gone through.