Hey, Are You Okay?
Suicide. The first time I remember hearing this word I was 11 years old. It was a beautiful November day, and my mother came into my room crying. She told me that my great uncle had killed himself. At the time, I did not really understand what had happened. I just knew that I was confused and sad. My uncle had been an outwardly happy person. He was funny, loved his family and served in his church. How could someone who seemed “okay” not really be, okay? As I got older, I found out that he struggled with mental illness and was dealing with a lot of stress during that time. As a mental health professional now, I wonder sometimes what it would have been like if he felt like he had someone he could talk to? If one person could have said, “Hey Johnny, are you okay?” Would that have made a difference?
Is suicide a choice? Absolutely, but what are some things we can do to help others feel like that is not a choice they have to make for the pain to stop? There are three key steps that any person, not just mental health professionals, can take to help with suicide prevention. These keys are known as the QPR method: Question, Persuade and Refer.
Never be afraid to question someone you are concerned about. The biggest fear some people have is that if they ask someone if they are thinking about killing themselves, they will be the one giving them the idea and causing them to do it. Remember, suicide is a choice. You cannot make a person take their own life. Sometimes a simple, “Hey, you don’t seem like yourself, are you okay? Do you want to talk?” can be a wonderful place to start. If they share with you something like, “I don’t want to be here anymore” or “I wish I had never been born,” consider asking them, “Are you thinking about killing yourself?” or “Do you want to die?” If the answer is yes, you can move on to the next step, which is persuade.
You may be thinking, “how can I persuade someone to stay alive?” It might be easier than you think. Help them look at what is going “right” at this moment in their lives. Remind them of their family, friends and professors that care for them and would be heartbroken if they took their life. Encourage them to look beyond the moment, to see what the future may bring. Helping them look beyond the moment may help them see that they have many reasons to be alive.
Once the question and persuade keys have been used, it is now time to refer. Refer the person to a mental health professional that can take charge of the situation. If it is during the day, you could offer to walk the student over to The Wellness Center, and we would be happy to meet with them. If it is in the evening, you can tell your RA or RD, call (1-800-715-4225) or text (741-741) for the Georgia Crisis Line. You can also offer to drive them to the hospital. It is important to remember that once this step is complete, you have done everything you can to help this person. You have made a difference and helped to save a life.
Does intervention work every time? Sadly, no, but sometimes yes! Sometimes that simple, “Hey, are you okay?” can make a world of difference in a person’s life. Do not be afraid to start a conversation. Know that there is support on campus for you as you help take care of your brothers and sisters in Christ. You can be the hope that they need in that moment.
If you are currently struggling with thoughts of suicide or would like to come to talk to someone, please do not hesitate to reach out. Any of our caring counselors would love to support you. You can walk-in to The Wellness Center, email us at health@tfc.edu or call ext. 5304.
***
Written in loving memory of my uncle and the countless others we have lost to suicide.